


An Unexpected Treat

by OmoTrashy



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Coprophagia, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Established Relationship, M/M, Reunion Sex, Rimming, Scat, Taboo, Taste Kink, Teasing, facesitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmoTrashy/pseuds/OmoTrashy
Summary: Ferdinand returns to Enbarr after a long trip away in the Aegir territories. Hubert is thrilled to reunite with his lover, and is eager to devour him. Ferdinand expresses his desire to "freshen up" before they get too hot and heavy, but Hubert is a bit impatient after they've been apart for so long.Their impromptu anal sex comes with the exact roadblocks and messes that realistically come with impromptu anal sex.Luckily, Hubert is into that.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	An Unexpected Treat

**Author's Note:**

> **Content Warning:** This fic contains graphic depictions of scat play and coprophagia (shit eating). This is a porn-without-plot fic, and there's no benefit to reading it if you don't like scat.  
> Please don't read this "as a joke" or "out of curiosity" because you may end up grossed out.  
> If you choose to ignore the content warnings and end up disliking it, please don't leave rude comments!
> 
> Written for the Three Houses Kinkmeme. The prompt was simply: "Ferdibert scat. No specific scenario or act in mind, just please make it consensual."  
> This was a pretty experimental fic, as I've never written scat before. But I had a lot of fun writing this and made sure to pepper in lots of continued affirmations of consent, so hopefully it turned out okay!

Ferdinand carried out his duties as Prime Minister with enthusiasm and unwavering devotion, and he rarely took a break. When he'd announced he was taking a few weeks off, he'd made it very clear that he wasn't traveling for pleasure.

Though he'd moved to the capitol in Enbarr to work alongside Emperor Edelgard, the maintenance and oversight of the Aegir territory still fell partially on his shoulders. After all, it wasn't as if his disgraced father had any say in the matter. He'd vocalized his worries that his siblings were still too young and inexperienced to assume full control of the land, and still needed occasional oversight and guidance from "the eldest son of House Aegir."

In the public eye, Hubert had given Ferdinand a curt nod, stating his confidence that he could cover his duties for a short period of time, but urging him to make a prompt return, as to not inconvenience their Emperor.

In the privacy of their shared quarters, Hubert had pinned Ferdinand against the wall and fucked him, while mottling his shoulders and collarbones with hickeys and whispering sweet nothings about how much he'd miss him.

True to his word, Hubert did miss him. During the day, Hubert's mind was kept busy enough by his duties and by the needs of Emperor Edelgard. Late at night, when Hubert finally did settle down in his bedchamber, he was struck by how empty their shared bed felt without Ferdinand by his side, and how difficult it was to sleep soundly without his beloved's warmth.

It was ironic, he supposed. When the two of them had attended the academy together, Hubert could hardly stand having Ferdinand in his presence. Now less than a decade later, the lack of Ferdinand's presence was something he could hardly stand.

Hubert's saving grace was how quickly the days passed due to the pace of his work. Ferdinand returned promptly, as promised, even arriving back a few days ahead of schedule. Hubert was delighted, though it was relatively easy to mask that delight as a professional level of enthusiasm. He had been taking on Ferdinand's workload, after all. It was perfectly reasonable for Hubert to be relieved that he was back.

Whether Emperor Edelgard was convinced by this excuse, Hubert wasn't sure. She shook her head and gave the two of them a knowing smile, but otherwise let the topic go. She went on to give Ferdinand a general overview of what he'd missed, and which issues he should request in-depth reports about from Hubert in the coming days.

Hubert was able to keep his professionalism and composure. However, in the back of his mind, he couldn't wait until the two of them were dismissed. He was excited to go back to their bedchamber and give Ferdinand a "debriefing" of his own.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Once the two of them were in their personal quarters with the door firmly locked, all semblances of professionalism were cast aside. Hubert swept Ferdinand into a tight embrace and kissed him passionately. Ferdinand eagerly reciprocated, letting out a fluttery sigh as he practically melted into Hubert. The kissed with several weeks of worth of pent-up passion, only breaking away when they felt lightheaded from the shortness of breath.

Between gasping breaths, Hubert propositioned, "Join me in the bedroom?"

Ferdinand gazed at him starry-eyed and took a kiss-plumped lip between his teeth. He seemed very pleased with that idea. "Mm, I'd _really_ like to…" Hubert placed a hand on Ferdinand's lower back and guided him to their bedchamber, and even such a slight tough was enough to draw a gasp from his touch-starved lover.

"...But it's been a long ride to Enbarr. I should make myself more presentable for you." Ferdinand continued, albeit a bit reluctantly.

Hubert was normally a patient man, but he found it hard to imagine waiting any longer to have Ferdinand after nearly three weeks of sleeping alone. "I don't think that's necessary." He took a strand of Ferdinand's hair and twirled it around his finger. His normally bouncy waves had gone a bit limp, but his hair didn't look or feel too dirty. He nibbled at the shell of Ferdinand's ear, noting the faint taste of sweat, but too pleased with the sigh and shiver it drew from his lover to mind. Ferdinand was certainly a bit travel-worn, but Hubert had had him in worse states during the war and still thoroughly enjoyed himself. "I missed you _so much_." Hubert practically purred, making sure to let his breath ghost against the dampness he'd left behind. "I'm afraid I can't wait any longer."

Luckily, it seemed that Ferdinand felt the same way.

Clothes were quickly and haphazardly discarded on their way to the bed. Ferdinand let himself flop onto the mattress, dragging Hubert down to lie on top of him. They were a tangled, writhing mess of unbridled passion. Hubert eventually freed himself from Ferdinand's arms, which were hooked firmly behind his neck and around his shoulders, grasping him tightly as if he feared the two of them would be separated again. Hubert drew back just enough to press his mouth to his collarbone, and he left a trail of bite marks and hickeys where the old ones had almost completely faded. He continued his onslaught of rough, sloppy kisses down Ferdinand's abdomen. He hoisted Ferdinand's legs in the air and was about to press his lips to a part of Ferdinand that he'd been missing _a lot, when--_

"Wait." Ferdinand interrupted him. "I really think I should freshen up before you… lick me there."

Hubert looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Ferdinand. "Oh? But you've tasted so sweet so far. I'm sure I'll love the taste of you here, too." Hubert drew his head down between Ferdinand's legs and bit down on one of his cheeks, just inches away from the pink rosebud that he desperately wanted to taste.

"The uh, facilities on the road back were... lacking. I'm sure it would be a much more pleasant experience for you if I…"

Hubert planted a tender kiss, easing his way closer to Ferdinand's hole. "Any experience involving you is pleasant, my love. You're welcome to clean up if _you_ want to. But I'm sure you'll want to take a bath after we're done, as well, so keep that in mind."

Though Hubert couldn't see Ferdinand's face from here, he suspected that the other man wore a look of contemplation. He answered with his body before he answered with his words, opening his legs wider and inviting Hubert in.

"I did try to warn you." Ferdinand murmured breathlessly as Hubert, at long last, pressed a kiss against Ferdinand's puckered hole.

Warmth immediately blossomed in Hubert's chest at the thrill of finally being able to lavish attention over this warm, inviting, undeniably _intimate_ part of Ferdinand. He drew his flattened tongue from Ferdinand's tailbone all the way to his perineum, reveling in the way that Ferdinand shivered under his administrations. The salty, musky flavor of sweat danced lightly on his tongue. The soap that Ferdinand normally scrubbed himself with before bedding him was pleasant enough, but the natural flavor of Ferdinand's skin was downright _intoxicating._

Hubert repeated the motion numerous times before directing his attention to a more precise place. He swirled his tongue around Ferdinand's hole. The salty musk was stronger on his tongue and was tinged with a faint earthiness, but Hubert was too aroused to even consider being bothered.

Ferdinand's legs trembled; whether it was from pleasure or from the strain of keeping them aloft, Hubert wasn't sure. He drew back and released his hold on Ferdinand's thighs, granting him a short break. Ferdinand let out a seemingly relieved sigh.

"Come here." Hubert adjusted his position, opting to lie flat on his back. "I want you to straddle my face."

Ferdinand eagerly clamored across the bed. Whether his eagerness came from wanting a better position to let Hubert tongue at him, or from simply wanting to give his tired legs a rest, Hubert, once again, wasn't sure.

These thoughts hardly mattered as twin muscular thighs engulfed either side of his head. Hubert grasped equally muscular cheeks in his hands and guided him the rest of the way downward, before plunging his tongue back into the taste that was _uniquely Ferdinand._

Hubert was tongue-deep inside Ferdinand's hole when he felt the tip of his tongue brush against something solid. He faltered for a moment before inquisitively tonguing at the firm mass. It was just as hot as the rest of the tight heat surrounding his tongue, but had a pungent earthy and bitter taste that was starkly different from its surroundings.

Perhaps this was what Ferdinand was really worried about when he insisted on "freshening up."

Hubert knew exactly what it was, but rather than recoiling in shock, he flicked his tongue against the dry, rough mass with even more vigor. As if eating Ferdinand out forcefully enough would dislodge it, and let it slide into Hubert's eager mouth.

The thought of Ferdinand voiding directly into his mouth sent a perverse shudder through Hubert's core. This wouldn't be the first time he'd traversed into such taboo territories with his beloved. However, the thought of it was enough to make Hubert's cock twitch with just as much enthusiasm as he'd had the first time.

Ferdinand relaxed around Hubert's tongue, and the log within him shifted. Hubert was delighted; perhaps just working Ferdinand open with his tongue _would_ be enough to coax him into letting go, pushing his load past Hubert's writhing tongue and down his throat...

Ferdinand whined and pulled away from Hubert's mouth, much to the dark mage's disappointment. "You're doing so well, my love." He reassured him. "I just need to take a break. I need to…"

"...To relieve yourself?" Hubert guessed, knowing he was entirely correct. He placed his hands on Ferdinand's hips, attempting to guide him back toward his face. "Go ahead. I have no objections."

"Hubert!" Ferdinand exclaimed indignantly, his face glowing a brilliant red as he stared wide-eyed at Hubert over his shoulder.

He acted as if he were innocent, and that Hubert was completely out of line suggesting such a thing. When in reality, Ferdinand had just as much, if not more, interest in these filthy practices as Hubert did. Hubert's mind flickered back to other instances; in which Ferdinand had smeared his waste across Hubert's chest, his amber eyes alight with joy as he did so. Or, the time that he'd worn a deceivingly kind smile while pushing pieces of shit past Hubert's lips and cruelly informing him that he wasn't allowed to come until he'd eaten every last bite.

It was true that Hubert had unusual fantasies, and that he was willing to explore depths that most men would shy away from, but Ferdinand had been by his side through all of it, eagerly guiding him deeper into degeneracy.

Hubert was tempted to roll his eyes at Ferdinand's attempt to play coy. Instead, he smirked at his lover and gripped his hips tighter, trying once again to guide him to his mouth. He knew that Ferdinand liked this sort of thing, too. He was a proud man, and required a bit of unraveling before he was willing to cast aside his sense of dignity and be true with his desires.

Ferdinand bit his lip, and continued, "It's been several days since I last…" He trailed off, unable to even finish his sentence.

Hubert tutted at him. "Oh, Ferdinand. You shouldn't hold back for my sake. I know that we both enjoy this, but your health and comfort come first."

Ferdinand scoffed at him. "It's because I was _traveling._ Don't be such a smart-mouth. The only reason I felt it was worth mentioning is because…" He faltered again. "Well, there may be...a lot. Too much to handle."

This caused Hubert to chuckle. "You say that as if it's a deterrent. I would actually love to see that. My beautiful Ferdinand, taking an _obscenely_ large--"

 _"Hubert!"_ Ferdinand practically shrieked. He'd gone bright crimson, across his face and spreading across his ears and down his neck and chest. His eyes were screwed shut, as if refusing to look at him would make the dirty talk stop.

Hubert relented. He didn't want to cross the line between teasing and bullying, and risk making his lover cross with him after they'd just reunited. He released his grip on Ferdinand's hips and gave his bum a little pat. "Alright then. Go use the toilet. I don't mind waiting."

Ferdinand opened his eyes again and gazed back at Hubert, wide-eyed and seemingly bewildered. He didn't move, despite his newfound freedom. He worried his bottom lip for a moment, seemingly lost in thought.

When Ferdinand finally did move, it wasn't away from Hubert. He adjusted his position over him; rather than continuing to straddle him, he squatted over him, with his feet firmly planted on the bed on either side of Hubert's head.

Hubert couldn't see Ferdinand's face anymore with this newfound closeness. Instead, his view was consumed by muscular twin cheeks. Between that was Ferdinand's pucker, still slick with Hubert's saliva. Hubert's breath hitched and his cock jolted with excitement over what was waiting within.

"Are you sure?" Ferdinand asked, his confidence wavering despite his current position.

"About?" Hubert prodded.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Ferdinand retorted, but didn't continue for a moment. Were he not desperate for sexual gratification, Hubert supposed he would find this situation funny; a man who was normally so eloquent could be turned into an inarticulate mess when stripped of his clothes and put into a lewd position.

After a moment, Ferdinand mustered up just enough confidence to continue. "About me…defecating…right here. You really still want me to do it...in your mouth?"

Ferdinand's matter-of-fact speech could by no means be construed as "dirty talk", but the words still sent a rush of red-hot heat pooling in Hubert's lower stomach and made his cock quake. Hubert hissed under his breath and used his last remaining shreds of self-control to hold back from coming untouched. It was true that he could tease Ferdinand with cool calculation, but he was utterly weak when any comparable filth came from Ferdinand's mouth.

He was especially weak after not hearing Ferdinand's voice for almost a month, and _especially_ weak hearing him talk about his dirtiest fantasies.

"In my mouth, yes." Hubert murmured. He feared that if he spoke too loud, he'd sound absolutely needy. "And if I gag on the volume of it, do it on my face and in my hair. And if you still run out of room, on my chest, and then on my stomach, then down to my groin. Cover me completely, if you must."

Ferdinand muttered his name again and cursed under his breath. Hubert felt warmth drip onto his chest. Pre-cum, he realized, from where Ferdinand's cock hovered above him. It seemed that Ferdinand was just as excited as he was. They'd best hurry up, or they'd both be too far-gone to fully enjoy what was to come.

"I'm sure." He assured Ferdinand. He grabbed his hips again, trying to guide him to sit on his face.

Before closing the distance between his mouth and Ferdinand's hole, Hubert vocalized one more thought. One last retort, that would hopefully strip away what remained of Ferdinand's reservations.

"Please, don't hold back. You know how much I _love_ bitter flavors."

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to shoot me requests/chat with me on CuriousCat!  
> https://curiouscat.qa/OmoTrashy


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